Enjoy these Christmas “Spirits†along with your favorite “Spiritâ€â€¦but not while wheelin’!
A Christmas Off-Road Message
It all started with a group of boys, who wanted to play with their newfound toys. These toys happened to be 4x4 trucks, and these wagons could go anywhere with some luck. The first trips where small, to Breakneck and Gutter. Little was done in the winter as the vehicles sometimes froze. Then the trips become major, and there loomed real danger. Some off-roaders hit rocks, others hit stumps with a real knock. Are we having fun yet? Just ask any off-roader you've ever met. As they know the score and always want to go back for more.
Merry Christmas and happy off-roading in 2010!
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Wheelin' Through a Winter Wonderland
(Sung to the tune "Walkin' In A Winter Wonderland")
Beads pop off, are you listenin'
Cold wind through - your ears is whistlin'
Your winch falls apart, your engine won't start
Wheelin' through a winter wonderland
Snow is deep, your butt is freezin'
Broke a fender, it ain't pleasin'
You're starting to slide, on your wheels, then your side
Wheelin' through a winter wonderland
On the hillclimb we can barely make it
Traction's really nowhere to be found
Pull the cable, snatch the block and fake it.
Or claw along and put the hammer down!
Later on, we'll perspire
Drying gloves by the fire
Counting things that we broke, "That's Wheeling" we'll joke,
Wheeling through a winter wonderland...
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TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS "Jeep Style"
'Twas the night before Christmas, And all through the trails,
Every Bronco was stranded, Their progress like snails.
They had no shovels, No rope and no winch,
No CB, no cell-phone, To get out of their pinch.
When out from a mud pit, There arose such a clatter;
All the 'wheelers came running To see what was the matter.
I saw some poor Bronco All covered in crud;
He had blown his motor trying to get free of the mud.
As he stood there I noticed His glowing red face,
And I knew in an instant He wanted out of this place.
I glanced at his roof, It was all I could see;
He pleaded for help From my winch and from me.
So I sprang to the front Of my trusty old toy,
Spooled out the winch cable, Said "Hook 'er up, boy!"
He went for a swim In the watery hell, and
I laughed as he turned brown, And started to smell.
He hooked up the cable to his buried front hook,
I put a coat on the line Like it says in the book.
I winched him out quickly, A very fast session;
And I charged him a C-note, To teach him a lesson.
I then drove my Jeep through the same mud and same muck;
No problem for me, 'Cause I had a REAL truck!
I wound down my window as I drove out of sight,
And smugly yelled "Next time Stay home Christmas night!"
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The Night Before Christmas (Santa’s New Ride)
T'was the night before Christmas,and all thru the woods,
'Old Santa was playing while delivering 'the goods'.
His sleigh was retired, after years of abuse,
and the reindeer had fallen in with a bad crowd of moose.
But the kids wanted toys, and his promises he'd keep,
So he worked his elves over-time, and built him a Jeep.
Not just a Jeep, but a TJ from Hell,
with a set of huge swampers, and a harness from Bell.
Nine inches of lift, 38's on the wheels,
and a 350 Chevy (on which he got a good deal).
On the night of his journey he fired up his new "sleigh",
And the elves couldn't help laughing as he pulled away...
"On PIAA, on Rancho, Flowmaster, and Spicer,
on Bestop, on Dana, Olympic, and Mopar!"
So, now he goes mudding instead of in flight,
with a "Merry Christmas to all and to all a mud night!"
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The wind was quite heavy on one Christmas Eve,
Santa traveled by ground, behind schedule, if you believe.
He was cruising through California in his mighty red sleigh,
And said, "If I don't hurry, there will be no Christmas Day."
Blitzen turned around and said, "Santa, you won't fail,
We Reindeer found a short-cut called the Rubicon Trail."
They headed for the trail, but when they got there,
The rocks looked much bigger than they did from the air.
Up hill the reindeer struggled to make the sleigh go,
And getting around those rocks made the progress quite slow.
They tried really hard but there just wasn't a way,
To get axle articulation from an old wooden sleigh.
Where the rocks are quite steep, Santa ran out of luck,
Even with nine reindeer, he finally got stuck.
The Rubicon Trail is no place for a sleigh full of toys,
Santa sighed, "I've failed all those good girls and boys!"
"They'll rise in the morning, leave their rooms and say,
'Under the tree, it is empty, is there NO CHRISTMAS DAY?'"
They couldn't budge the sleigh, no matter how hard they tried,
Santa felt so hopeless he sat down and cried.
Suddenly in the distance came a loud clanking sound,
Like an old wind-up toy that's been too tightly wound.
They saw it come over a boulder with a creep,
A rock crawlin', mud boggin' CJ-5 Jeep.
Its fenders were dented, and its sides were all scratched,
The top had big holes that hadn't been patched.
But its tires were big ones, 35 inch,
And on its front bumper was a shiny new winch.
"If you're taking the Rubicon," the CJ started to say,
"Go with a group and get mud tires for that sleigh."
Santa said, "I'm sorry, I feel like a jerk,"
The old CJ-5 said nothing, it just went to work
The sleigh was unstuck and free in a cinch,
Thanks to that CJ and its shiny new winch.
Santa went on to fulfill Christmas day,
With the old CJ-5 leading the way.
Now many years have passed and the reindeer are older,
They don't fly very well when the weather gets colder.
But Santa's still out there every year without fail,
Fulfilling his promise in the air and on the trail.
On Christmas Eve, if you chance to look in the sky,
You just might see him in that old CJ-5.
